The past 4 days or so have had me in a weird slump, making me think, re-think and overthink all of my abilities as a dancer, choreographer, teacher, and maybe even as a friend.
I certainly will not make this blog post about how dreadful it's been because I'm sure, at one moment or another, you have all been where I'm at right now. Heck! Exactly two years ago, I was feeling similar emotions & transitioning through life events very similar to those I'm dealing with now! It's come full circle (and you would think I'd know how to handle it if I'm recognizing a pattern here, right? But easier said than done. . . per usual).
Instead, I'm going to tell you that complaining makes me feel guilty. . . it exhausts me. . . and while most of the time I'm really just venting so I don't explode at the most inopportune time, I recognize when it starts becoming habitual. . .and that's never ok in my book. I tend to stay away from people who constantly have negativity circling their brain because they become soul suckers. And I never EVER want to be a soul sucker!
[I'm going to add a link to the bottom of this blog post to another blog I began following thanks to a dear friend of mine. The link I'm sharing is to an article specifically related to complaining and how it rewires your brain. I found it so appropriate for my latest state of mind, and also truly motivating to snap the f*$# out of it and get back to the Jamie I appreciate & love!]
In between all the "weird stuff" that has been fogging my heart, I took some time last Friday to begin a list for the month of August. This list is where I jot down 3-5 things each day that bring me joy. While today was especially difficult for me, I have a list of things that made me express my gratitudes through prayer and/or feel pretty damn wonderful! They are as follows:
*A younger student of mine plopping down on the floor of the green line because her stomach hurt.
--She wrapped her arms around her knees as she leaned into me for support and I knew she was uncomfortable. I had already spoken to/hugged her before we left rehearsal, but I loved how honest she was in that moment. Internally, I felt like that little girl who was huddled up in a sea of strangers. I got it. And I wanted nothing more in that short, 15 minute commute, than to protect and comfort her. My maternal instincts were in full force and I can't say I minded it.
*The farmers market at copley place.
--I ended up buying some tea. It was awful. I mean really, really disgusting. :laughs: But I loved the atmosphere and the energy and the mason jar I got to keep because of said grossness. I also really enjoyed the sight of sunflowers. I would've bought myself some, but the honey bees surrounding them kind of deterred me from doing so. They were still beautiful
*The woman I ran into just outside of South Station
--She didn't speak English very well, but when I asked her if I could help her with anything, she managed to tell me she was trying to get to Waltham. I began taking her into the train station where I figured I would drop her off at the information desk and be on my way. But as we approached, she seemed to recognize the sign for the Red Line. . . . Realizing that others would probably just point at signs and let her wander, I google-mapped how the heck to get to Waltham from where we were. Once I got her to the subway to show her maps and to write down the key stations she would have to get to in order to reach her destination, I cursed myself for not taking Spanish in high school. I was trying my best to speak slowly and clearly and I was truly happy to help! She thanked me 10 times too many and ended our our meeting/interaction with "You're such a nice person!"
When i walked away, I asked God to safely get her where she was going. I hope she made it :)
*The sunset. Always the sunset.
*The tiny yellow flowers I picked on my walk home.
--they were so tiny and bright
*The elderly man who said hi to me by tipping his military hat in my direction.
--He could have ignored me. Kept walking. Been grumpy or whatever it is people say old men are. But his eyes were so kind and he was such a gentleman!
[As promised, here is the link to that other post for you to check out! I hope you enjoy!]
~Remember to find your daily doses of happiness